Barbie

This Blog is dedicated in memory of Stacy, Long Hair, Melissa, Sparkle Eye, Brown, JTT( The only “Ken” I owned), Jasmine, Aladdin, Olive, bathtub foam dress and Princess Barbie. They lived full and happy life, playing everyday, coming alive at night, and being the best friends anyone could ever ask for. Unfortunately one cold wintry night last year they were murdered. The weapon of choice was a plastic bag. The bodies were disposed of in the back Alley. The culprit was tried but never went to jail claiming, “I’m the mom” whatever that means. Justice has never been served.

In memory of loved and lost ones… I write this blog…


The Genius’s at Mattel have decided a new marketing strategy, their new strategy of marketing is sector specializing. They have made created a series of babies for each community in large cities.. or for a place like Vancouver… They included the lower main land… Below are the actual Mattel descriptions along with the Barbie… They use the same Barbie for different communities. It works well. I am profiling Vancouver Lower Mainland Barbie & Calgary Barbie.

Actual Descriptions…(note these are NOT official descriptions by Mattel.)

‘Yaletown Barbie’ / Mount Royal
This princess Barbie is sold only at the Yaletown Choices Market.
She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a designer kitchen.

‘ Coquitlam Barbie’ / Makenzie Lake
The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan and matching gym outfit.
She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation.
Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

‘East Van Barbie ‘ / Apple Wood Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit.
…unless you are a cop, then we don’t know what you are talking about.

‘West Van Barbie’ / Eagle Ridge
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership.
Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
You won’t be able to afford any of them.

‘Chilliwack Barbie’
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder.
She has a six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set.
She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk.
Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

‘Loft Barbie’
This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends.
Percocet prescription available as well as warehouse conversion condo.

‘Maple Ridge Barbie’ / Forest Lawn
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Butler Barbie’s house.
Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top.
Also available with a mobile home.

‘Kitsilano Barbie’ / Sunny Side Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu.
She has long straight brown hair, arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks.
She prefers that you call her Willow.
She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Point Breeze Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.

‘Surrey Barbie’ Marbrough
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll.
Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass.
Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

‘Whistler Barbie’
She’s perfect in every way.
We don’t know where Ken is.
Ken is always out a-’huntin’.

‘West End Barbie/Ken’
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on body parts


And to answer you question that I know you are all thinking…..

No I was NOT surfing the web looking for pretty barbies...........

A Scary Story From the perspective of Sarah Miller

This Happened Last Saturday. I thought it interesting to from Sarah's Perspective!

At about 8:30 I was just finishing up cleaning my kitchen and getting ready to go watch the end of the Phoenix/Calgary game when I hear this knocking outside on my balcony. I froze, not totally sure of what I had heard at first, but it happened again…and then again. I peaked out of my curtains (they were shut) to see a guy standing on the balcony next to mine waving at me. Uh, creepy.
So of course, I called my Dad who stayed on the phone with me while I poked my head out to see what the guy wanted. The conversation went something like this:
Me: “Hi?”Drunkface Neighbor: “Heeeeeeeyyyyyyy! Are you guys partying in there?”Me: “…um, no.”Drunkface Neighbor: “Oh…You wanna go for a swim?”Me: “NO!”…(slams door in face)
I figured that would be the end of it, but my Dad stayed with me on the phone to calm me down. It is scary to be bugged by some random old drunk guy when you are a girl by yourself! He could be totally harmless, but how do I know? I’ve never seen him before!
All was quiet on the Western front for about five minutes. And then the banging started. The guy banged on my balcony railing for a good twenty minutes, each time increasing my freakout. My poor dad who was still on the phone listening to my rising hysteria told me to go out and tell him to stop the banging and leave me alone. Which I did…only to notice that this gross disgusting old drunk man was totally and completely nekkid!!
My natural reaction was to run away, so I slammed my patio door and retreated into my bathroom, which is the furthest point in my apartment from the balcony. For a few minutes after I told him to stop banging he did, but then it started up again. At this point, my Dad suggested that I might want to think about calling someone to come over, just so I wouldn’t have to be by myself anymore. I called my cousin-in-law JC first, but it turns out that he was in Victoria. I think the panic in my voice alarmed him though because he called Stephanie right away and told her what was going on. As I was in the middle of dialing my other cousin’s number, Stephanie phoned me back and announced that she was coming over, despite being down at Granville Island having dinner with her friend from out of town. Naturally, I started bawling for not only my ruined Saturday night but hers. This whole time the guy was still banging on my balcony railing.
Steph and her friend told me that I needed to call the cops. I was really reluctant to because my limited experiences with the RCMP in Burnaby have not been good, and I wasn’t really sure if it was a call-the-cops type situation. Really, he hadn’t done too much wrong other than to scare the crap out of me and stand outside on his balcony naked. So I called the non-emergency line and asked the lady who answered what to do and she put me through to 911.
The next 20 minutes were agonizing as I sat on my couch and waited for Stephanie and the cops to arrive. I alternated between pacing around my apartment and drinking about 18 glasses of water and then the cops and Stephanie arrived at the same time and from that point on it was ok. They talked to him, all three cops were very understanding and nice about it: told me I had done the right thing by calling them, etc. Stephanie and Laura stayed for awhile, partly to calm me down but partly I think because Stephanie wanted to kick some ass if the guy started banging again (she wanted to go down to her car and put on her high heels, but Laura stopped her).

By the time Stephanie and Laura left I was totally and completely exhausted from crying and pacing around my apartment, but I didn’t sleep very well. I talked to the landlady the next day and she went over and talked to him too, and I haven’t seen him since. The whole thing, although it’s kind of a funny story now was very traumatizing and scary at the time! But at least it made for a good blog entry.

If anyone has ever watched Friends... This gives a whole new meaning to the "Ugly Naked Guy."

The Tree’s are Alive… With the Sound of Music…

Have you ever just sat alone outside and listened? That is the beauty of my balcony. Yesterday I sat outside and just listened. I listened to the trees, the birds, the sounds of the muttering passersby’s. I could hear the distant scampering of animals and even faintly I could hear the river which I a km or two away. It was beautiful. Once you start to really listen all the sounds seem to flow together. It sounded like a fine tuned orchestra. Oh the beauty just listening. It’s truly a renewing experience. I started thinking about it once I got back inside I decided that hearing must be a sense in which sound is perceived. I think this because I chose to listen. I made a conscious decision to hear what I wanted, like the finely tuned violin made out of tree leaves or bongo drums made out of rain drops. (I imagine this has something do with my selective hearing that I conveniently use when necessary. IE : Annoying people)

So this is a challenge to all of my readers. Take 10 minutes out of you day, with no distractions and just listen. Turn your brain off, even if you have another thought push it away and just listen.

P.S. The picures are not outside my balcony... I thought they would be inspirational for listening...

P.P.S Jeff is surfing on a natural Bridge

As I was browsing a web site today I saw an advertisement for Valentines Day. Wow, Is that really the next Holiday slash marketing blowout? I started to think to myself how I am excited for this holiday. Valentines Day is great because it’s totally all about the girl. Which I loveJ, but not only that it’s another day to eat chocolate and not feel guilty. PLUS the chocolate comes in a heart shape container and is usually in pink and red wrapping. How amazing is that. Anyways I googled a little further and came across a couple articles stating that Valentines Day, to them, is pretty much the worst day of the year. In fact one lady put it that she would rather “live a lifetime of Mondays” than celebrate another valentines day. Wow. Did you know that approximately Eight million Americans admit they send themselves Valentine's Day gifts? Can you imagine how many people ACTUALLY send them V day Gifts that don’t admit it. But hey… They may feel lonely and unloved but at least they will get something nice! So the month of love is coming sooner than you think. To prepare you for this I will leave you with one of the worst V day stories that I have experienced. (Don’t worry it has not tainted my love for the holy day of the V) I think I was in Grade 7 or 8 I can’t really remember. I really liked this boy (shocking) and I also like another one.(also shocking.) This one boy that I sorta liked asked me out. So naturally I said yes and he gave me some chocolates and I was his g/f. Later that Valentines day Another boy… who I actually like better and didn’t think was going to ask me out did. When he asked me I thought about it in my head how I could get out of the other boyfriend situation before this one knew anything. I thought I could do it so I said Yes. Status Update I had two boyfriends… So I frantically went around trying to find the first one I said yes to and reverse the yes. I did find him eventually… Hanging out with my other boyfriend at lunch. Together… Sadly I had not two boyfriends anymore… not even one boyfriend anymore… I had zero boyfriends… I bet my mom was happy!

Creepymccreeperson

Creepy...








This story sounded Much like the fictional Novel I was reading about wearwolfs and vampires. (The fourth Twilight Novel)





Get this... a guy from India "Sanju Bhagat" always had bit larger stomach, but he decided not to worry about it passing it off on different day's as gas or stomach ache. This occurred for 30 Years!! Thirty year old Sanju Bhagat was rushed a hospital In because his stomach was causing him so much pain. When in the hospital the doctors diagnosed as an stomach tumor. Soon after Sanju was brought in for some sort of testing and a new discover was found...To a doctor's surprise it was something extremely different and very unusual. From the birth Sanju had his twin brother living inside of him like a parasite. This phenomenon is extremely rare since parasite twin brother has to survive by leaching on its brother’s blood supply. (hence the vampire story) This bizarre medical conditions is called fetus in fetu and it occurs when a fetus gets trapped inside of its twin. The Doctor who was operating Sanju Bhagat said: "First, one limb came out, then another limb came out. Then some part of genitalia, then some part of hair, some limbs, jaws, limbs, hair." I guess what happened is that some times (1 in 5 00 000) when twin are born, the more dominant twin in the fetus takes over the other and envelopes it into its body and teh fetus starts living off of it as a parasite.... leeching its bloodto live. CRAZY





Here is a You Tube Video Link to see the short 4 min CBC Report on this Man...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzwDyEmpC5Q&eurl=http://www.interestingfacts.org/?page=fact&id=449



What makes this sooo crazy is that no one suspected that he had a twin!


Is that not insane?











IS THAT NOT THE CREEPIEST THING YOU HAVE EVER HEARD!!!

New Years

New Years Resolutions – Back to Basics

I have been contemplating what I should make my New Years Resolution to be this year. I want to make a new resolution rather than the same one I have every year. “To loose twenty pounds”, that is getting old, and usually doesn’t happen (Actually has never happened). I have been thinking of other things like being nicer, taking life slower, knitting, making eye contact with people who avoid eye contact, making myself more uncomfortable when reaching out and interacting with people. But then I thought about it, Yes those are all good things to do, however it just doesn’t seem like a resolution. I want to make more of a goal. So in my search to make a resolution I decided to look up the history of New Years.

Did you know?

It is believed that the Babylonians were the first to make a New Year’s Resolution? Early Christians believe that the fist day of the New Year should be spent looking back on the past year and thinking about past mistakes and resolving to improve on them in the New Year. Also Did you know that fireworks and all those loud noise makers were originally meant to scare off evil spirits and bring good luck.

Interesting hey? This made me think. I’m going to go back to basics and reflect on my past year and think of all the bad things that I did. I started on January 1st last year and remembered that I was at Laura’s house and we were playing a game with another couple. I remember making up answers to make myself more interesting in the game. So I lied and that is bad… so Resolution # 1 Tell the truth. Then I remember going back to Vancouver (1st week of January) and quit my Job at Doggy Day care with no notice. That’s mean… So Resolution # 2 Be nice

THEN I decided that I REALLY REALLY don’t want to dissect last year…

Back to Square one.

After Much thought and contemplation…

I have decided my New Years Resolution…

I am going to loose 20 pounds…

I know your thinking… BORING, But do not fear, I have added onto it this year.
Oh and I’m going to light fire works outside my house to scare off evil spirits.
(I figure what if it does work? Why take any chances in not doing it… Might as well!)

Woolly Mammoths could rise again from their permafrost graves.

Woolly Mammoths could rise again from their permafrost graves.

In the past Scientists have clone Mice that were frozen for 16 years! Most recently scientist cloned “Dolly” the sheep. AND now Scientist have announced another first…

They are cloning the Woolly Mammoth. Scientist in Japan at the “Riken” Research center are opening the door to Resurrecting the extinct species. Yes that is right, If you have ever seen the movie ice age, that big elephant looking thing frozen in the ice, could be coming back to life. Originally the Scientists did not think that this would work because the ice crystals that grow in the ice would cause damage to the cell’s structures inside, however what scientists at the “RIKEN” center have discovered is that it’s POSSIBLE.

Remains of a whooly Mamoth have been uncovered in the Russian permafrost and these may contain intact cells that could be used to create a clone. Perhaps the saber-toothed tiger could also be resurrected as well! CRAZY!
There are still obstacles in the way however, to create the clone you need a surrogate egg for DNA and a mother to carry it…. I know what you are thinking… How will we get a mother from an extinct species? They are going to fertilize it in an ELEPHANT… Oh the poor elephant, what will it think when it pops out a woolly Mammoth? Basically a frozen genome from the woolly Mammoth is going to be planted into the egg from the elephant…

Oh dear, Jurassic park is real People. The extinct shall rise again.

oh and Aaron this blog is dedicated to you, not because you ARE a woolly Mammoth, but because you have the same initals... Wiggly Mort!