A Sad Blog (Readers beware)

I have to honest. Today I am feeling blue. I feel like I try so hard to do my best in every decision that I make. I have actually started to think about my decisions and the consequences of them. I feel as though when I make a decision people are always questioning it or disappointed in me.

Should I really have to justify my decisions and explain myself every time I do something that someone doesn’t approve of? Why do I get anxiety over what I am doing when I know that I am trying to do my best.

Anxiety is eating away at my insides. Its like this murmur in the back or my mind and the bottom of my stomach telling me that something is wrong. I can push it away for a bit then it just comes screaming in the back of mind like a piercing deafening silent tone. This internal conflict is unpredictable. Its hits you when you least expect it. Last night it hit me in the middle of the night which resulted in a sleepless night (or a few hours) for the third night in a row. I also think this sleep deprivation is causing me to think irrationally which in turn will cause me to do something very dangerous… Speak irrationally.

If this make Any sense at all… This is how I feel.

Captivated – I am selfish, I’m wrong, I’m right, I swear I’m right, I swear I knew it all along. I am seeing in myself now what you swore you saw all along. Then denied it.


On a lighter note, Next time someone is judgmental of my actions I’m going to ask them the following questions…
How is the weather in Jerusalem?
Do the palm leaves waving actually keep you cool when riding on a donkey?
and
Can you tell me your name again Cause I could have swore you thought it was Jesus?








P.s. People Dont be worried about me im not sad everyday, I have just had a sad couple of weeks!

October and Chelsea!

October

October is a month that I love very much. It’s a sign that the winter months are coming which right now I am very excited about because I KNOW that this year it is going to snow in Vancouver. Every Year that I have lived here it as snowed, and as the years increase, so does the snow. I also believe that it is going to be a white Christmas because, for the most part it was a fairly cold summer. Gotta love Climate Change… Which I don’t even know if I believe in, but that is for another blog, another time.
October is also an exciting Month because its Jeff’s B day, Mom and Jeff’s anniversary, (which actually is not THAT exciting for me but mom has been talking and planning her anniversary this year as long as I have been planning my wedding. I guess the big One O, is monumental,) JC’s Birthday, and Halloween.
I love Halloween. Its so awesome, OK other than the fact that it’s Satan’s Birthday or something and Witch’s and Demons everywhere are getting all pumped up to celebrate. But really, the Joke is on them. Come on Halloween is the season of giving! People dress up in fun costumes and get candy from people. That is awesome. My favorite part of Halloween is however, the babies more particularly, the babies in costumes. Last week I went Halloween costume shopping with Christina and her 1 month old baby Chelsea. I think it was up there as one of the most fun days of my life. What could be more fun than going around and finding mini penguins, tiny frogs, little mummies, small bad wolf’s, mini pumpkins and The winner, and beautiful bright pink butterfly with antenna’s and everything. It covers Chelsea from head to toe. My heart can not contain the love that I have for that little one dressed up in a full body Butterfly outfit and you can only see her cute chubby face… I love it… I need a picture in her costume, I will post one soon.
Anyways Im posting some pictures for you enjoyment as Chelsea is probably the cutest little baby ever!